Wait

Could you at least wait
Until I've come to terms with the fact

That the knife is there
Before you drive it in even further?

Could you at least wait
Until I'm off the bridge

Before you start
Burning it beneath me?

Or are you just tired from all the waiting
You had to do when we were together?

I know it was never easy
I know it was never perfect

But it all would have been
Worth the wait in the end

I promise you that.

The Battle Continues

I don't think
You really lead me on

I think you were honestly
Planning on giving me a chance

If you weren't
You wouldn't have come back for the flowers

If you weren't
You wouldn't have needed

To drink me away every night
Before you made that call

If you weren't
You wouldn't have told me

About all of the things
You weren't happy with

Because why would
It have mattered?

If you were just
Going to leave anyway?

But someone convinced you
That it was the right thing to do

Even though you knew in your heart
That it wasn't

And I will go to my grave
Believing that

Not because of
Everything I just said

But because of those three words
You whispered in my ear

On our last night together
When you thought I was sleeping

You can claim everything else
Is based in assumptions

But go ahead
Please try to dispute that

There's no way
That you can

But I suppose
That it doesn't matter

Because by the time
The battle was over

And all the dust
Had settled around you

You just couldn't bear
To give up your pride

And come back
Admitting it was the right thing

So the battle continues
But I must admit

I wonder which one of us you're hurting more.

I Wish I Could Give Up

I wish I could tell you
That the way you look at me doesn't bother me

I wish I could tell you
That being near you doesn't tear me apart

I wish I could tell you
That I was happy for you

But that would simply be
Exchanging a lie or a lie

I wish I knew what
The way you look at me means

Is it real?
Is it fake?

Is it just you trying to convince
Anyone that might be watching

As well as yourself
That you hate me

Or is it you conveying
That you truly wish I would give up

Because that would make everything
So much easier for you

Because you wouldn't have
Anything to feel guilty about

You wouldn't have
A void to fill

If I would just give up
If I would just stop loving you

All We Need To Escape

I have begun to drink you away
Like you drank me away every night

Until the day
You made that call

I'm seeing your reflection
In every tear I cry

Just as you saw mine
As the tears flowed

Every time you thought about
What you were about to do

And all the anger, battles and lies
Couldn't mask them

And least
Not from me

You didn't have to tell me
For me to know they were there

And now I'm looking for fulfillment
Looking for ways to cope in all of the wrong places

Just as you did
For many years

Before you found me
And were set free

So now, because of what you've done
I've become the person you once were

I finally understand
In the truest sense

What made you
Who you were

On the day
That we met

So now we're
Completely the same

And all we need to escape
Is each other

Where I Am Without You

I've heard people say
Things about the good in relationships

Like, it's one thousand little things
Not one big thing

Was that what caused you to leave me?
One thousand bad things that you never told me were bad?

Why didn't you step in
Before it went too far?

I know I was sick
But that isn't an excuse

Because if you honestly cared about that
You wouldn't have left

You would have
Given us a fair chance

Because you know
That where I was

Was nothing compared to
Where I would be without you

Where I am
Without you

Here in Your World

In my dream...

I reached for your hand
And you wouldn't let me take it at first

You tried to keep up the charade
And you gave me that look

But then I tried again
And this time you let me

And I remember thinking
I must be dreaming

But it all felt so real
That I was convinced

Yes, there were other aspects
That were foggy

But your hand in mine
Even in a dream

Was the most real sensation I've felt
Since the day you walked away

And you let me back in
To this new life you created for yourself

And it was so hard
And so confusing to be a part of

But the joy
Outweighted the frustration

And I told you I would stay here in your world
Until we could rebuild ours

Captivation and Devastation

You could have taken her away
From the pain, from the world

If only for a day
If only for a moment

And you did
When she let you

They say you can't fight fate
And that if it's meant to be it will happen

But she ran from fate
And wouldn't let it happen

So where do you stand now?
Now what do they have to say to you?

Maybe your expectations
Were too high

Maybe I should have
Considered the fact

That you could only take her so far
Before she realized she was somewhere different

And was scared
By the unfamiliar

And no matter how hard you tried
No matter how much you pleaded

Trying with everything you had
To get her to listen, she wouldn't

She turned from you and ran
Back to the familiar

And it broke your heart
Not just to watch her leave

But to know exactly
Where she was going

And that there was nothing you could do
To stop her

And you were overwhelmed
With both captivation and devastation

Because you had to take in her beauty as she ran
And the fact that she would again never look back

In the same moment

I Don't Mind

I don't mind if you think horrible thoughts about me
Because, at least, I'll be on your mind

I don't mind if you tell the world lies about me
Because, at least, my name will resonate from your lips

I don't mind if you glare at me
Because I, at least, get to see those eyes again

I don't mind if you criticize my writings
Because you, at least, care enough to want to know my thoughts

I don't mind if you do everything you can
To make my life a living hell

Because, at least, that means
You're still a part of it...for now

I don't mind if you come back and walk all over me
Because, at least, we'd be touching

I don’t mind if I have to wait forever
Because, at least, I'll have something to hope for

Think of Me

You are captivating
Someone else will fall, just as I did

And I hope you think of me
When he isn't there on lonely nights

Because you know
I would be

I hope you think of me
When he makes you feel less than perfect

Because you know
That I never would

But I hope you think of me
If he does do all the right things

Because you know
That that's what I would want for you

I hope you never settle
I hope you never stop loving

I hope you never stop thinking of me
But most of all

I hope you never do to someone else
What you've done to me

What One Picture Was Able To Show Me

I see you
Trying so hard

To convince yourself
And the rest of the world

That you're not the person you were
When we were together

You're going all the extremes
To prove this point

You've even resorted
To becoming the person you once were

Before we met
And you realized you were cheating yourself

You realized you deserved better
You realized you could be better

But now you've let yourself
Become an object to lust over

Because that's the last thing
You would ever feel in my presence

You're trying so desperately
To eradicate those pieces of me

That have become
Wrapped up in who you are

And it has lead you back
To your old ways

And caused us to have no idea
Who the other is anymore

What They Tell Me

They tell me to move on
That I've had enough time

They tell me that you've changed
And ask why I would want the person you've become

They ask me why I would want you back
After everything that's happened

They tell me that I need to
Accept the fact that people change

They say horrible things about you
And the way that situation has played out because of your actions

But what they don't realize
Is that I don't care

I don't care who did what
Or who said what

I love you
With every ounce of my being

I love you because of who you are
Not in spite of it

I love you
Without condition

And that will never change
Even if you do

You Are My Ocean

This was supposed to be a time away
A time when I didn't think about you

Didn't think about what happened
Or try to figure out the reasons why

But it seems like all of my experiences
Have become a metaphor for you and I

Like how the water freezes so much it hurts
At first, until you get used to it

Maybe I have to stay in this pain for a while
To become numb to the stinging feeling

Or how, when you try to run in the ocean,
It feels as though you're fighting with twice your strength to get half as far

That's kind of how
I feel with you

I'm fighting with everything I have
So that you'll come back to me

But it's starting to feel
Like I'm just running in the ocean

Kidding myself into thinking
That all of this effort

Will get me out of the cold any faster

Her Arms...Your Resting Place

You miss her
Every second of every day

Not a day passes
That you don't think about her

Not a night passes
That you don't dream about her

The people that tell you to move on
Clearly have never experienced a love like this

Or have numbed themselves to the pain
By forgetting what happened

They don't know what it's like
To miss someone this much

To miss someone
With every fiber of your being

To miss every good, bad, uplifting, spirit breaking
Broken yet perfect part of them

You'll never claim that she's perfect
But you'll always claim that she's perfect for you

You fit perfectly together
Literally and figuratively

That must be why
You miss her most at night

Because that was when
You felt closest to her

You told her that
The night you put that ring on her finger

Nights were a positive end
To every day, no matter the circumstances

Because every night
You let your soul rest in her arms

You miss those arms
You miss that safe place

Peace like that is hard,
If not impossible, to come by

So how can you be expected to find peace,
To find joy, elsewhere?

And why would you even want to?

My Thoughts

I found this a few days ago...Not sure when I wrote it. I guess I wanted to give rhyming a shot...

I thought we were on the same page
But you were in a different book

I thought I saw the truth in your eyes
But maybe I should've taken another look

You said you loved me
But now you hate me?

I didn't think there could be such a fine line between the two
Especially with me and you

You told me you'd be
The one I'd marry

But now I can barely carry
The burden of losing you

You can't really hate me.
There's no way.

Or am I just deceived?
Refusing to perceive the truth?

Fly With Me

We should have been
Celebrating today

We should have been
Talking about the future

I wonder if you think about me
On these days

Sometimes I hope
That you do

But sometimes I hope
That you can't bear the thought

Because I would
Like to think

That if you thought about me today
You would come back

You would realize that
What we had wasn't a mistake

I know deep down
You know it's true

But will you ever
Come to terms with it?

Will you ever leave
Your fear and pride behind?

And stop worrying about falling
And just jump?

Just fly with me?

Beach Retreat

I didn't come here
Looking for a cure

I didn't come here
Thinking I would get over what happened

I came here
Out of sheer desperation

I came here because I thought
There may be someone there to convince me to stay

Because I had begun thinking
About leaving it all behind again

And what I was given
Wasn't a cure

I wasn't just told
To get over it

I was given touch so compelling and sincere
That it brought me to tears

I was given prayer
With words from the heart

Words with such genuine care behind them
Words that I know were given by You

Words that gave me hope
That it would all be okay

I met people
That gave me a reason to stay

At least long enough
To get to know them

To share my story
And to hear theirs

I was not only spoken to, but listened to
In a way that conveyed unquestionable care

And I worshiped
With these people

Worshiped with a sense of community and closeness God
That I have never known

I felt God
I felt these people

These people that I barely knew
Pouring their hearts out to Him

And I could not help but to be touched
To be saved by such love

When I consider leaving it all behind
Which I still do sometimes

I think about how we worshiped that night on the beach
I think about how truly loved and cared for I felt

And I can't bring myself
To leave that behind just yet

What "The Book" Was Missing

You always talked about
How you could write the book on relationships

That you knew
Exactly what to do

And everyone believed you
Everyone listened to what you had to say

Because they knew your heart
And they knew that all you ever wanted

Was to do everything in your power
To make her happy

And to never lose sight of that
To never give up on that

But what you never thought about
What you never thought you would have to consider

Was that there should have been
Some sort of disclaimer

Some sort of afterward
Something, anything to remind the readers

That no matter what you do
No matter how hard you love

No matter how many promises
You make and mean

No matter how many times that you prove yourself
By staying around no matter what

That there's still the chance
That she will walk out on you

And you'll be so committed to those promises
You'll have your heart set so deeply in them

That you stay
You still hold true to them

So you're left standing there
While she runs in the opposite direction

Because you made a commitment
A vow to stay

So you stay
Alone. Watching, waiting

So how do you
Write the book now?

How do you teach people
To give all they have

But then not let her take it with her
When she runs away. When she disappears.

But you still stay
You always stay

Hoping and dreading at the same time
That you'll catch a glimpse of her

Because you want so desperately to see her happy
But you want so desperately not to see her with someone else

If You're Reading This

My hope for you
Is that you'll find comfort in hard times

My hope for you
Is that you will be accepted

Just as you are
Just as I did

My hope for you
Is that you find peace in the midst of chaos

That you don't revert back to your old ways
Because it's all you know without me

But most of all
My hope for you is that you are loved

Loved in the same way I loved you
In the same way I will always love you

A love without conditions, limits, ends
A love that is indefatigable yet undefinable at the same time

You will always have my love
You will always have my heart

My hope for you is that you never lose it all
But remember me if you do